Discover the challenges of allowing in mindfulness and learn practical strategies to overcome resistance, fear, and judgment. Embrace the present moment with ease and compassion.
Mindfulness teaches us to allow what is true in the present moment—whether it’s joy, sadness, discomfort, or peace. Allowing means fully accepting your experience as it is, without judgment or resistance. While this concept sounds simple, in practice, it can be incredibly challenging. Our minds are conditioned to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and control outcomes, making it difficult to embrace what is with an open heart.
In this blog, we’ll explore the common challenges of allowing in mindfulness, why they arise, and practical strategies to overcome them. By understanding and addressing these obstacles, you can deepen your mindfulness practice and cultivate greater peace and resilience.
Why Allowing Can Be Difficult
Allowing requires letting go of judgment and control—two deeply ingrained tendencies of the human mind. Here are a few reasons why allowing can feel so challenging:
1. Resistance to Discomfort
We’re hardwired to avoid pain and discomfort. Whether it’s physical pain, difficult emotions, or unpleasant thoughts, our instinct is often to suppress, distract, or fix the issue. Allowing asks us to do the opposite: to stay present with the discomfort and let it be.
Example: When feeling anxious, instead of allowing the emotion to unfold, you might distract yourself with your phone, food, or work, avoiding the root cause of the anxiety.
2. Fear of Losing Control
Allowing means letting go of the need to control or change your experience, which can feel vulnerable or even threatening. Many people fear that if they allow a negative feeling, it will overwhelm them or never go away.
Example: If sadness arises, you might fear that acknowledging it will lead to a downward spiral, so you push it aside instead.
3. Judging the Present Moment
The mind tends to label experiences as “good” or “bad,” creating a narrative that fuels resistance. Allowing requires setting aside these judgments and embracing the moment as it is, which can feel counterintuitive.
Example: If you’re stuck in traffic, your mind might label it as a “bad” experience, triggering frustration rather than acceptance.
4. Unrealistic Expectations
Many people approach mindfulness with the expectation that it will instantly make them feel calm or happy. When this doesn’t happen, they may judge themselves or the practice, creating further resistance.
Example: During meditation, you might expect a serene experience, but instead, you’re met with restlessness or frustration, leading to disappointment.
Strategies to Overcome the Challenges of Allowing
While allowing may feel difficult at first, it’s a skill that can be cultivated with practice and patience. Here are some strategies to help you overcome these challenges:
1. Start with Small Moments
Allowing doesn’t mean you need to embrace every aspect of your experience all at once. Start small by practicing mindfulness during simple daily activities.
How to Practice:
- While drinking your morning coffee, allow yourself to fully experience the warmth of the cup, the aroma, and the taste without distraction.
- If a minor irritation arises, like a long line at the store, notice your feelings without trying to suppress or change them.
Why It Helps: Starting small builds confidence and shows you that allowing doesn’t have to be overwhelming.
2. Cultivate Curiosity
Approach your thoughts and feelings with curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of labeling something as “good” or “bad,” try to observe it as it is, much like a scientist examining a new discovery.
How to Practice:
- Ask questions like, “What does this feeling feel like in my body?” or “What thoughts are arising around this experience?”
- Imagine your emotions or sensations as clouds passing in the sky. They are temporary and always changing.
Why It Helps: Curiosity shifts your focus from resistance to exploration, making it easier to stay present with your experience.
3. Use the Breath as an Anchor
Your breath is a constant, grounding presence that can help you stay centered when allowing feels difficult. By focusing on your breath, you create a safe space to explore challenging emotions or sensations.
How to Practice:
- Inhale deeply and exhale slowly, focusing on the sensation of the air entering and leaving your body.
- Pair your breath with a calming affirmation, like “It’s okay to feel this” or “I allow this moment to be.”
Why It Helps: The breath provides a sense of stability, making it easier to face discomfort without being overwhelmed.
4. Reframe Your Perspective on Discomfort
Instead of seeing discomfort as something to avoid, view it as an opportunity for growth. Discomfort often signals areas of your life that need attention, healing, or acceptance.
How to Practice:
- When a challenging emotion arises, remind yourself, “This is here to teach me something.”
- Visualize yourself sitting beside the discomfort, offering it compassion rather than resistance.
Why It Helps: Reframing discomfort reduces fear and creates space for healing and transformation.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
One of the biggest barriers to allowing is self-judgment. Practicing self-compassion helps you approach your struggles with kindness and patience, making it easier to allow what is.
How to Practice:
- When you notice self-criticism, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
- Place a hand on your heart and silently repeat, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here for myself.”
Why It Helps: Self-compassion soothes the inner critic, allowing you to face challenges with greater ease and acceptance.
6. Release the Need for Control
Recognize that trying to control every aspect of your experience often leads to more frustration. Allowing invites you to trust the process and let go of the need to fix or change the moment.
How to Practice:
- During meditation, notice when you’re trying to control your thoughts or emotions. Gently return your focus to your breath or chosen anchor.
- Remind yourself, “I don’t need to solve this right now. I can just be.”
Why It Helps: Letting go of control creates space for acceptance and allows the moment to unfold naturally.
7. Set Realistic Expectations
Mindfulness is not about eliminating discomfort or achieving a constant state of peace. It’s about learning to be present with whatever arises. Setting realistic expectations helps you stay motivated and reduces frustration.
How to Practice:
- Approach each mindfulness practice with the mindset, “I am here to observe, not to achieve.”
- Celebrate small victories, like noticing when you’re resisting and choosing to allow instead.
Why It Helps: Realistic expectations make the practice feel more attainable and sustainable.
The Long-Term Benefits of Allowing
Overcoming the challenges of allowing is not an overnight process, but the rewards are profound. With consistent practice, you’ll notice:
- Greater Emotional Resilience: The ability to face discomfort without being overwhelmed.
- Improved Relationships: Acceptance of your own emotions fosters empathy and understanding for others.
- Deeper Inner Peace: Letting go of resistance creates a sense of freedom and harmony.
- Enhanced Self-Awareness: Allowing helps you uncover patterns and triggers, leading to personal growth.
In Summary – The Challenges of Allowing in Mindfulness
Allowing is both the essence of mindfulness and one of its greatest challenges. By facing resistance, judgment, and fear with curiosity and compassion, you can learn to embrace the present moment—whatever it may hold. Remember, allowing is not about perfection but about practice. With each moment of presence, you take another step toward greater peace, resilience, and self-acceptance.
Start small, breathe deeply, and trust in the journey. The rewards of allowing are worth every effort.
Go here to learn more about my online Mindfulness Course.
Why not treat yourself to a mindfulness retreat in the beautiful Devon countryside?
Best Wishes,
David.
© D. R. Durham, All rights reserved, 2024.
